Blended Families

This week we talked about the challenges that come with divorce and remarriage. It is a really difficult process for many individuals to go through. One of the hardest positions fall on the children. They feel like a go-between in the family. They don't want to hurt the feelings of either parent when it comes to where they want to live, but many parents do get offended anyways. Something interesting is that girls actually handle divorce within the family better than boys do. Part of this might be because usually the children live with the mother, and they don't have that constant male role model anymore. Then comes the complications of blending families, and stepparents who want to be a positive influence in their step-children's lives, but are unsure of the best way to approach it.

Are You There

This last week was about the importance of parenting and being involved with your child. Talk and listen and spend time together. I thought this Mormon Message was perfect.

Fatherhood

This week in class we were actually given an assignment to find a journal article that had done research to find the importance of fatherhood. That was actually the title of my article, The Importance of Fatherhood. In this article is discussed the various benefits that fathers brought to the family. One of the things that fathers provide to their families is the economic support. It was researched and found that “in homes where a father is present, those in the household are less likely to be poor (Importance p.1).” Children that live in homes with an involved fathers also show higher academic achievement. Fathers are also extremely important at showing the benefits that come from having a positive, well-developed adult relationship. He does this with his relationship with his wife. With the children “boys who witness their father treating their mother with respect and affection are more likely to treat women with the same respect, and girls who witness these positive relationships are more likely to look for that type of positive relationship (Importance p.2).” It is important to recognize that fathers have a huge impact on their families, and to never let there work and importance go unnoticed and under appreciated.

Power & Conflict

This week we talked about the importance of recognizing the different power techniques that members in families may use to achieve something they want. The different power types include coercive, reward, legitimate, expert, referent, and informational. It is important to be aware of these methods, so you can be aware of when you are using them or when they are being used against you. When you are aware of the use of power preventive measures can be taken to improve the relationship between family members. Power can be used in response to conflict between people. Conflict is when there is a difference in opinion, perspective, or experience. It is important to not manipulate those you love, or be manipulated by those as well through the use of power.

Family Crisis

This week we talked about coping with stressful situations in the family. As I was looking at some videos I found this MormonMessage about a father who had a lot of difficult situations come up in his family, but he was strong and they all worked together to push through. He didn't turn to denial, or alcohol, or abuse. He was loving and kind, and it brought the family closer together and made them stronger. I wanted to post this video as a reminder of what marriage and family should be about, and it fit pretty well for Father's Day as well.

The Types of Affair

When ones mentions affair today, we automatically think of sexual relations. There are emotional and physical affairs though. Emotional affairs include: fantasy and romantic. Fantasy is described as "having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never be met." Romantic is "when an individual becom[es] emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse." The physical affairs are visual and sexual. A visual affair "such as pornography are perhaps the most common type of infidelity." Sexual, of course, is when a person engages in sexual acts with someone other than the person they are attached to. It is important to recognize that many of these affair types are linked and can lead to another. One most take the proper steps to prevent all of these affair types from occurring, so a marriage or relationship can stay strong.

Marriage

I really enjoyed this weeks discussions about keeping a marriage strong, and working through the hard times. When children come it really is important to involve the father and mother in the entire process. Have him go to check-ups with you. Work on names together, and discuss how the workload is going to change when the baby is born. It is really important to just work together and express your love. As I went throughout this week I thought of this Mormon Message and how it really does apply.

Date for Real

This last week we talked about the preparation that comes with marriage. It really is so important to spend time with each other in different situations. Do random dates that will allow you to see the other in different situations. If you want to know if he will be a good father, put him in a situation where he will be able to show that. So many couples nowadays do the hang out, where they sit on the couch and watch movies. Watching movies is fine, but it should not be the go to activity. Branch out and really spend that time getting to know each other. Forever is a long time, and it is important to take the time to prepare properly for marriage.

Gender Role

This week we discussed the aspect of gender. As children we seem to naturally have some tendencies that seem to fit within our gender. This of course is just a generalization and it is important to treat children as individuals. One of the things I found very interesting was how much harder we are on young boys, then girls. If a girl plays with a car or a ball, we think it is cute, but if a boy plays with a doll many people get concerned. I just found this fact really interesting, because I had not really thought about it before, but realized it was true. As I thought about this I found myself thinking to my own childhood. As I look back I recognize that both of my parents allowed us to have a balanced life. My brother was the oldest and the only boy, so sometimes if he did want to play with us, he had to play barbies. Granted they would often go bungee jumping, and sky diving, and have crazy accidents, but I never thought it was odd that he was playing with us, until later when I would talk to kids at school. My three sisters and I would also play sword fights, and wrestling, and power rangers with my brother. We had fun with each other doing a variety of activities, but none of us ever felt like our gender identity was in question, and I know that this is largely due to my parents. They still taught me the importance of my role as a woman, and I have never felt degraded or beneath for being one.

Immigration and the Family

I found it fascinating this week when we talked about the fact the immigration has on a family. Many families immigrate to another country to give their children better options and allow them to have a better life. Many times this move can actually cause the family to be torn farther apart. Many times the father goes first, and the family comes later. This causes a bridge to develop between the father and the family. Often when the family moves, the mother also has to work which causes a further drift between the family. Many children say that they were actually happier in their old country, and miss their extended family and friends and culture. It is interesting to here about how immigration really can effect families, and led me to wonder about my mother's story as she had immigrated from Switzerland to the U.S. when she was six years old.

Who's who in the Family

This week we talked a lot about the different roles and rules that families have. As I thought about my own family I recognized that we did all have our different roles, that we played within the family. One member could be the drama queen, while another is the peacemaker. Still another could be the rebel, or instigator. Every member has a different kind of personality that they bring into the family system. We also had those unspoken rules that needed to be followed. For example, we had what I liked to refer to as the Cup Hierarchy, where everyone's cup had a specific spot in the dishwasher. Dad got to control the remote, and Saturday was always Eggs and Bacon for breakfast. These rules, while often going unnoticed, where an everyday part of our life as a family, and only now as I pause to look back on them, do I truly come to recognize them.

Its not always what they say...

So these first couple of weeks in classes was a good reminder that when statistics and research are thrown at you, they could very well be untrue. Doing research on the family is incredibly difficult--every family is different and therefore has different situations, and many families want to put their best foot forward for a survey. It is important that when given some kind of fact or statement, one takes the time to look for themselves before counting it as true, especially when it comes to family. Also, just because something worked for one family does not mean that it will work for every family. That is the beauty in us as humans, we are all different and have different reactions.
So don't be afraid to be doubtful and figure out for yourself.